In Awe Of God’s Plans For Me

I am a mature adult who has loved God my whole life. I know about His greatness and His love for me, yet I continue to be in awe of His plans for me.  One more time He shows me to “Let Go and Let God”.

I have been through all “the firsts” without my dear, loving husband. I thought  things would get easier, but in fact, this Christmas season has been rough for me. It’s been even harder this year than last year. I think maybe it was because it was so new last year. I was still in the early stages of my grief. I didn’t know how to feel. My daughter was also getting married soon after Christmas so I was preoccupied with all that being a mother of the bride entails. I have felt the emptiness in my heart this season and the longing to wrap my arms around him one more time and tell him how much I love him. I know his presence is around me and for that I am grateful, but it just isn’t the same. So I have had my pity party on more than one occasion lately, concentrating on what I missed in my life. No one else was invited. It was a private party.

Monday morning I received an email from my editor telling me she finished reading the manuscript I submitted back in September. She loved it. In fact she said I owed her a box of Kleenex. She is going to be sending me a contract on it very soon.  I checked my email daily since early October, hoping to hear word from her. Nothing came. Instead, during the week of Christmas, when I needed something to cheer me up, the email arrived. Once again, God knew exactly the time I needed to receive this. It has added joy to my heart because this book is very special to me. This is also the last manuscript Randy knew I was working on. He cried also when I read him parts of it. I know he would be doing the “happy dance” with me in celebration. In fact, maybe he is.

So my Christmas will be a little brighter than I anticipated this year. Although it will still be tough to go on, at least I know the book Randy wanted to see get published so badly is going to happen. I feel like it’s a Christmas gift to both of us.

Merry Christmas!



What We Can Learn From A Child

I received an email post from a friend a while back that had to do with running in the rain and feeling a spiritual cleansing. A few days ago it was raining and as I backed out of the driveway I noticed a young boy riding his bicycle. He didn’t seem the least bit bothered that he  was in the rain and getting drenched.

It made me remember the email. I wondered why as a child being in the rain felt awesome but suddenly we grow up and are afraid to get one drop on us? We will use the mighty umbrella or protect ourselves from Mother Nature’s  bath with any means possible. Is it for vanity reasons that suddenly rain droplets soaking our skin is taboo? I have to admit, I was in my car, dry and protected, but I felt kind of envious that day for not being the one enjoying droplets from Heaven. We become so uptight as adults about things that we enjoyed in our innocence as children.

There’s a case to be made about maturity and adulthood. I agree with that. But do we have to always be so dadgum grownup all the time? Can’t we take a break from adulthood just every now and again? I have decided  to do that. The next time it rains I am going to feel the raindrops against my skin. I am going to allow myself to get a spiritual cleansing, and I am going to smile at the heavens pouring down on me. Just once I am going to be a kid again.

Deep Breaths- It’s Time To Declutter

Do you ever have those times in your life when you just have to stop, take deep breaths, and slow down a little? That’s the way it has been with me lately. I feel like things are just going a mile a minute. I have clutter in my life because I allowed things to build up and get pushed aside. So today is the day to take those deep breaths, grab the trash bags, and head to my closet. That’s my starting point. To many, my clutter would not seem bad, but to me it is. 

It’s funny how allowing this clutter to build around me also clutters my inner being. I don’t feel like it’s God in control and then me, but rather God and then my clutter in control of my life.  So off I go to get my life back on track. Deep breaths….It’s time to declutter.

A Year of Blogging

This past Friday marked a year that I started my blog post. It was actually started as a way to force myself to write after losing Randy. I honestly didn’t know if I had it in me anymore. A few of my writer friends suggested I do this as a way to get back to writing, even if it were a few words at a time. I started writing one thing each day during the month of November that I was thankful for.  That wasn’t so difficult. Then I began to write about my grief process. Over the year this avenue has helped me vent my sadness, move towards writing about the healing and gradually towards the good things happening  in my life. Looking back on it, I am so thankful I did this. I discovered that in the process, I have also touched  the lives of some people I did not know read my posts. I received personal emails from some of them. Praise God for letting me reach them.

I plan to continue writingbut I figured it was time for a new look. If you are a follower,thank-you for reading my posts over the last year. Feel free to tell your friends and family about it. God Bless You All!

Check It Off My Bucket List

Today was a first for me. I can check it off of my bucket list. Okay, honestly, I don’t have a bucket list. But if I did I would be checking off what I did today. I spent the day at a school for an author visit. I envisioned myself doing this for many years. I knew it pretty much came with the territory of being a children’s book writer. You get asked to be a speaker(especially if you are also a teacher). I must admit, I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. I have only been a published author for a little over two months now. But the opportunity came and I took the plunge. My presentation needs some tweaking now that I have done it. I made notes during my lunch break of what I need to do differently next time.   I prayed for a good outcome. I didn’t want to let anyone down.

I wished Randy could have been there with me. He couldn’t so I did something to help me feel his presence. I wore the last gift he ever gave me. It was a string of pearls for our thirtieth wedding anniversary. They have a little weight to them so I could feel them around my neck all day. To some, it may seem corny. To me, it felt comforting.   

I drove home with tears in my eyes knowing I had jumped the first hurdle of author visits. I conquered the anxiety about it and fulfilled another dream. Ah! What a feeling!

It made me think of something. There are people who go through life with no goals and  no dreams to fulfill. How sad they will never know the feeling of accomplishing even the little things in life you set out to do.  It’s one of the things I tried to tell the students today. If you want to accomplish things in life, have a goal and make a plan to carry it out. The difference between a dream and a goal are the action steps you will take to make it  reality. When you do, the pride you feel will be unbelievable.   

Maybe it’s time for me to make that bucket list after all.

photo from google images

Where Do The Days Go?

How many times have I heard the saying, “The road is paved with good intentions.” My road must be well paved because I have had intentions of getting back to posting so many times and just never made it that far. The days just don’t seem to have enough hours in them to tend to everything.

It’s been quite a whirlwind since getting my book published. I am being contacted by several different people for different events. I am so excited. The preparation for these events comes after my teaching day is over. It’s like one full-time job after the other full-time job. 

I remember crying after losing Randy last year  because I was so lonely and wishing I could fill my extra time with what used to be “caregiver time”. My, how God heard me and blessed me! I go to bed mentally exhausted  because my days are so filled now. But it’s a good exhaustion that I would not want to trade. I am meeting so many new people and making new friends in the process. I can’t help but smile when I think about it. I hope it’s only the beginning of many more successful years of writing. 

Here is my update for those who are asking about a next book.  I have two manuscripts complete , trying to find a publisher for them, and am working on three more that are still in the early stages of development.  I am not sure where these will go and what God wants me to do with them. I  know I’ll find out one day. In the meantime I will keep tapping away at the keys.

Since I have a Powerpoint to work on for a school presentation on Monday and a writer’s guild meeting tonight, I better wrap up this post. Awh! My intention became reality this time.

Until next time….. God Bless!

Photo from google images

A Different Anniversary

This is not the kind of anniversary I ever wanted to acknowledge. One year ago today you left this earth to be with our Father in Heaven. I look back on this past year and sometimes wonder where the year went. It seems like just yesterday we experienced this tragic event. (I replayed it in my mind all day today.) Then sometimes I think about it and how the days have been so painfully long without you this past year . Never again will they be the same. I have been told that time heals all wounds and things will get easier. I hope that is so. The “firsts” of everything have  been tough on all of us. The support of our family and friends has been outstanding. They are always here for us. Going on retreat this summer helped  to put my life back on track . I feel like I have a purpose in life again. If that is part of the wounds healing then I guess what I’ve heard  is true. But like our two precious daughters, I am still very much broken inside. I still find myself hearing news and immediately thinking that I have to call and tell you. Then reality sinks in and so does more heartache.  

We have kept your memory alive this past year. Friends and family still send you messages on Facebook .They still tell stories about you . You are still making people laugh. I will write that book about your funniest stories. I promise. They have to stay in the family and be retold for generations to come. That’s part of your legacy. 

I know you are finding eternal joy in Heaven. You have no more afflictions. I am elated for you.  You deserve it.

I love you and  send you thousands of kisses. Somehow, I know you’re receiving each one of them and smiling that special “Randy smile” you always had. 

See you in my dreams, (keep em coming!)


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