Being Single and Guilty

Lacey went back to school yesterday. Mindy was married last week. Yesterday was the first day I  was alone to start my single life. Last night was the first night I slept alone in the house.(Well, I had my puppy.) I was sort of in limbo since Randy died because Mindy was living at home until she married. I had not yet experienced the “alone” time of being a widow. (I have such a difficult time calling myself that.)  There is sort of an eerie quietness in the house that I am not used to. I went to the cemetery yesterday and had a “talk” with Randy. I told him that I know I need to go on, but I feel so guilty doing so. All the plans for the future included the two of us. It was never supposed to be just me. At least not in my plans. But I know it’s not about my plans. It’s about the plan God has for me and my life. I pray in time the feeling of guilt will begin to subside. I miss you Ran !

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Peggy Meredith
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 10:05:23

    Peggy, I am also having the same feelings. I don’t know how to be single. I married at 19 and have never lived alone. We need to get together soon. I am really enjoying your post.

    Reply

    • pclement
      Jan 20, 2010 @ 16:42:59

      We do need to go out to dinner or something. I have never lived alone either. Some days I feel like I am doing well. Other days, I feel like I have taken giant steps backwards. I know you understand completely.

      Reply

  2. walkingaroundsense
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 11:01:36

    You brought tears to my eyes, Peggy. I have no idea what you feel or what you’re going through. I can only imagine. Please know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I hear from others that it will get a little easier… but just a little. You will always miss him because you were one. Stay strong. Come see us over here in Lake Charles when you can.

    Reply

    • walkingaroundsense
      Jan 20, 2010 @ 11:14:53

      Sorry, I’m logged in on my husband’s account; gotta figure out how to get out of it. 🙂 When you see Walking Around Sense… it’s really me… uh, Jess. 🙂

      Reply

      • pclement
        Jan 20, 2010 @ 16:46:36

        LOL I knew it was you Jess, because I have read your husband’s blog also. I am tying to get to Lake Charles but I am tied up with therapy right now. I look forward to staying home on Saturdays to sleep in and not have anywhere to go. But I did go to the GTWG mtg. Tuesday night and I have been writing. They are going to tey to start a critique group before the mtg.

  3. Susan
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 19:42:25

    Bless your heart! You know I’ve had to spend many nights alone but at least Tom was always just a phone call away. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through but I hope you know I’m always here for you.

    Reply

  4. pclement
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 20:55:49

    I know you are Susan, You are a strong arm to reach out to. Love ya!

    Reply

  5. liz lee
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 21:10:32

    Peg(and Pup),
    My dear, dear Friend,
    Not having buried my spouse, but having buried my son, I can share with you from this perspective that by God’s tender care the pains *will* eventually subside.
    The love never will. 🙂
    Hugs,
    Liz

    Reply

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